I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
