We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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