i jhust puked up my retainher.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
