I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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