yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
