It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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