I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
