I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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