Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
