I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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