I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
