The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
