Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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