Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
