no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
