I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
