I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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