I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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