I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
