somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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