super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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