He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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