hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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