he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
