I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
