i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
