he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
