I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
