How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
