i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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