Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
