So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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