I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
