your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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