I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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