To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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