This is not my ceiling
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
