Christians are straight up FREAKS
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
