hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
you never un-have a 4some
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
