Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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