I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
