He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
