i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You need a sexual gate keeper
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
