Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
