My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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