I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
not ubering you a puppy
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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