Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
