Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
