My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
