yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
