I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
