Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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