dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
