Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You did what with his pubic hair?
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